Sure, astrology is cool and all—but have you ever judged someone based on their favorite gummy?
We’re not saying your cannabinoid preference says everything about you… but we are saying that if you go straight for the sleepy passionfruit squares, we know you’re not replying to texts after 8pm. Flavor, shape, THC content—it’s all part of the vibe. The gummy you reach for is basically your edible-era zodiac sign.
So go ahead. Scroll through. Judge your friends. Judge yourself. This isn’t science—but it is extremely accurate.
CBD + Delta-9 THC Gummy Stars
You’re the friend who texts “drink water <3” and then disappears for three days to reorganize your emotional boundaries. You seem chill—and you are—but that chill is structured. You don’t just want to vibe, you want to optimize the vibe.
These gummies are your go-to because they’re balanced, like you. You’re into functional highs: enough THC to feel it, enough CBD to stay centered. You love a fun shape, but let’s be honest—you also read the COA and checked the terpene profile before you committed.
If your gummy has a cute lil pointy edge and a ratio that makes sense? That’s emotional support candy, babe. And you’re thriving.
Delta-8 + Delta-9 THC Gummy Slices
You’re not here for a “normal” high—you’re here for an experience. You probably own at least one pair of patchwork pants, make weirdly good playlists, and have strong opinions about mineral water. These gummies are your go-to because they feel just a little bit off in the most delightful way.
You treat weed like an adventure. One slice might make you giggly, another might send you into a philosophical spiral about bugs. You’re fine with that. You don’t need predictability—you need possibility.
You’re the kind of person who microdoses before going to the farmer’s market and somehow ends up learning someone’s life story in the produce aisle. We don’t know how you do it. But we respect it.
30mg Delta-8 THC Gummies
You are not like other stoners. You are mysterious, misunderstood, and maybe a little too high to be making plans right now. The Delta-8 pack is your ride-or-die because it’s just enough of a trip without sending you to the moon. Or maybe it does send you to the moon, but you’re fine with that—you packed snacks.
You like a high that’s a little… sideways. Not chaotic, exactly. Just floaty. You’ve definitely stared at a candle for 45 minutes and considered it a spiritual experience. You’re not afraid to spiral—as long as there’s a cozy blanket, a crunchy snack, and absolutely no obligations afterward.
You’re vibey, elusive, and always down to watch a weird documentary at 2am.
50mg Full-Spectrum CBD Gummy – Strawberry Blackberry
You are the human equivalent of a freshly made bed and a slow morning. You probably have a favorite mug, talk to your plants, and say “I need a day to myself” like it’s a sacred ritual. You didn’t get into cannabis to get high—you got into it to protect your peace.
This gummy is your emotional support snack. You’re not here for the chaos. You’re here to take the edge off and water your inner garden. You believe in grounding, in balance, in nervous system regulation. You are the reason your friend group is still functioning.
If your vibe is “low-key herbal witch with excellent boundaries,” this is your gummy. You’re not dramatic—but you are deeply mysterious. And you smell amazing.
50mg CBN + CBG + THC Gummy – Passionfruit
You’ve never finished a party—you Irish exit with grace and then text “sorry I left lol” from under a weighted blanket. Your vibe is calm, collected, and two seconds from sleep at all times. You don’t just take this gummy—you build a ritual around it.
You’ve got herbal tea steeping, a candle burning, and a silk pillowcase waiting. Passionfruit is your chosen flavor because it tastes like a vacation you don’t have to socialize on. You’re the kind of person who cancels plans in favor of skincare, ambient playlists, and silence. And we love that for you.
You didn’t choose the sleepy life. The sleepy life chose you. And honestly? You’re thriving.
40mg THC + CBG Gummy – Tropical Mango
You’re the high-functioning stoner everyone is secretly jealous of. You get lifted, and then you do stuff. Laundry? Folded. Dishes? Done. Budget? Balanced. Your weed doesn’t derail the vibe—it fuels the glow-up.
Tropical Mango is your fave because it’s bright, focused, and a little bit extra—just like you. You love the mental lift of CBG, and you’ll talk about it to anyone who asks (and even a few who didn’t). You’ve got a morning gummy, a night gummy, a post-yoga gummy… you’re a walking dispensary with a plan.
You’re not using cannabis to escape—you’re using it to level up. And honestly? You’re crushing it.
Gummies Are Self-Expression
At the end of the day, your favorite gummy is less about cannabinoids and more about main character energy. Whether you’re the cozy plant witch, the sleepy girlie, the delta-8 gremlin, or the spreadsheet stoner—we see you. We are you.
So go ahead. Be soft. Be weird. Be hyper-productive while chewing something mango-flavored. Whatever your vibe is, there’s a gummy to match it—and The Hemptender’s got the stash to prove it.
Shop by mood. Shop by shape. Shop by “I just like the color.” No judgment—just vibes.